Trình tự lễ ăn hỏi như thế nào thì đúng chuẩn là băn khoăn của không ít cặp đôi chuẩn bị về chung một nhà. Bài viết giới thiệu thứ tự các bước để có một lễ ăn hỏi đúng truyền thống nhưng vẫn đơn giản, dễ nhớ.
Lễ ăn hỏi hay còn gọi là lễ đính hôn là một trong những nghi thức cưới truyền thống của người Việt. Lễ ăn hỏi là một trong 3 lễ chính theo nghi thức cưới hiện nay (vốn đã được giản lược từ 6 lễ theo phong tục cưới hỏi truyền thống).
Chính vì thế, việc chú ý tổ chức đúng trình tự lễ ăn hỏi một cách trang trọng, đủ nghi thức, suôn sẻ sẽ là điểm khởi đầu tốt đẹp cho nghi thức quan trọng sau này là lễ rước dâu (đám cưới).
Về thời gian tổ chức, người xưa tổ chức lễ hỏi trước lễ cưới 1 đến 2 năm, tuy nhiên, ngày nay lễ hỏi có thể diễn ra trước đám cưới 1 tháng, 1 tuần. Đôi khi do điều kiện địa lý xa xôi mà buổi lễ này sẽ được gộp chung, tiến hành cùng ngày với lễ cưới.
Xem ngày cưới hỏi phải chọn ngày tốt hoặc do hai gia đình thỏa thuận với nhau sao cho phù hợp và thuận tiện nhất. Những quy định được điều chỉnh cho phù hợp với đời sống hiện đại nhưng nhìn chung vẫn không khác ngày xưa.
Lễ vật cho đám hỏi là một phần quan trọng trong trình tự lễ ăn hỏi lại có sự khác nhau giữa các miền. Trong đó, lễ vật quan trọng không thể thiếu gồm trầu cau và lễ đen – vốn được coi là “tiền thách cưới” của nhà gái (số lượng phong bì lễ đen tùy thỏa thuận hoặc do nhà gái yêu cầu).
Các lễ vật khác thường là bánh phu thê, bánh chưng, bánh dày tượng trưng cho sự giao hòa âm dương. Ngoài ra còn có xôi gấc, heo quay, trang sức cho cô dâu, bánh kem… tùy theo điều kiện kinh tế mỗi nhà.
Số mâm quả đám hỏi có thể là số lẻ 3, 5, 7… ở miền Bắc, hoặc số chẵn 4, 6, 8… ở miền Nam. Lễ vật đo đội bưng quả là các bạn nam, nữ độc thân đảm nhiệm.
Sau các bước chuẩn bị, đến ngày tốt đã định, nhà trai sẽ mang lễ vật đến làm lễ hỏi tại nhà gái. Tuy mỗi vùng miền có sự khác nhau nhưng nhìn chung, trình tự lễ ăn hỏi chuẩn gồm 7 bước:
Nhà trai xuất phát đến nhà gái
Sau khi kiểm tra lại các lễ vật đầy đủ, nhà trai xuất phát đến nhà gái để kịp giờ lành. Thông thường nhà trai cần đến sớm trước giờ làm lễ 30 phút để tránh rắc rối bất ngờ.
Hai gia đình chào hỏi và trao lễ vật
Khi chuẩn bị đến giờ lành, đoàn đại diện nhà trai theo thứ tự là ông bà hoặc bậc cao niên đại diện gia đình, cha mẹ, chú rể, đội bưng quả cùng các thành viên gia đình sẽ tiến vào nhà gái.
Gia đình cô dâu tương lai với các vị đại diện tương ứng sẽ ra đón chào nhà trai. Sau khi đại diện 2 gia đình chào hỏi, đội bưng mâm quả nhà trai sẽ trao lễ vật cho phía nhà gái.
Hai đội bưng mâm quả sẽ trao phong bao lì xì trả duyên cho nhau. Trị giá các phong bao do nhà gái và nhà trai chuẩn bị trước.
Nhà trai và nhà gái cùng trò chuyện
Sau khi hoàn tất màn trao quả, đại diện nhà gái mời nhà trai vào dùng nước và giới thiệu những người đại diện của hai gia đình. Vị đại diện nhà trai sẽ trình bày lý do đến nhà gái, giới thiệu lễ vật.
Đại diện nhà gái nói lời cảm ơn và nhận lễ. Sau đó mẹ cô dâu, mẹ chú rể cùng mở các tráp lễ trước sự chứng kiến của hai gia đình.
Cô dâu ra mắt gia đình nhà trai
Theo đúng trình tự lễ hỏi, sau khi hoàn tất các bước trên thì cô dâu mới được phép xuất hiện. Cha mẹ cô dâu sẽ đưa con gái ra mắt hai họ, hoặc cho phép chú rể vào trong đón cô dâu ra chào hỏi. Sau khi cả hai bước ra thì cô dâu, chú rể phải rót trà mời đại diện hai gia đình.
Thắp hương bàn thờ tổ tiên
Sau phần ra mắt và mời trà của cô dâu, mẹ cô dâu sẽ chọn một số lễ vật trong mâm ngũ quả, cùng lễ đen dâng lên bàn thờ gia tiên. Đôi uyên ương tiến hành lễ khấn gia tiên trước bàn thờ nhà gái để cầu tổ tiên chứng giám, phù hộ.
Hai nhà bàn bạc về lễ cưới
Nghi thức thắp hương ở bàn thờ gia tiên đã xong, hai gia đình sẽ ngồi cùng nhau bàn bạc về ngày, giờ lành để tiến hành lễ rước dâu, lễ cưới. Cô dâu chú rể sau khi mời nước các bậc cao niên thì có thể ra ngoài chụp hình cùng người thân, bạn bè.
Nhà gái lại quả và kết thúc buổi lễ
Nhà gái sẽ lại quả lễ vật cho nhà trai. Lưu ý là tất cả mọi lễ vật đều phải chia, tách bằng tay, tuyệt đối không dùng dao, kéo (mang điềm không tốt cho cuộc hôn nhân của đôi trẻ). Mâm quả khi được trả lại cho nhà trai phải để ngửa nắp.
Nhà trai nhận lại mâm lễ vật và xin phép ra về, kết thúc lễ ăn hỏi. Sau đó, nhà gái có thể mời nhà trai ở lại dùng bữa cơm thân mật, việc này tùy thuộc hai gia đình.
Lễ đính hôn cần trang trọng nhưng không rườm rà, thường chỉ mất 45 – 60 phút. Với quan niệm “đầu xuôi, đuôi lọt” nên việc thực hiện đúng trình tự lễ ăn hỏi là điều các đôi uyên ương cần chú ý để khởi đầu cho cuộc sống vợ chồng êm ấm.
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